A Strange and Curious Girl: joy

Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts

Affirming Miracles

Years ago I started down the road toward the law of attraction the way many others did, by listening to Louise Hay, Shakti Gawain and Anthony Robbins. Truthfully affirmations have helped me immensely on many levels which leads me to believe that they can be valuable.

What do you do when the affirmations don't take? Because some of them cannot take root. That is a hard truth because we want to believe that it really can just be that easy. Last year I found myself in the space of using this affirmation: life is easy while finding myself more and more resistant to it. I finally sat down with someone who knows me really well, to see what I might be missing in my exploration.

His response as a long time part of my world shouldn't have surprised me but it did; as I have spent my whole life working for everything I got there is still a part of me that doesn't believe that life is easy for me. I believe it is getting easier. Yes. Yes, I do! There are however enough things beyond my control that need to be changed for me to know that life is not necessarily easy. I was also fighting a money affirmation, which is so not helpful.

So with all that in mind I picked up Sark's Inspiration Sandwich and took a bite. Luckily for me on page 25 the words leaped right off the page and up at me.

"Learn to step lightly from one miracle to the next. Feeling rich is available to anyone, at anytime. Especially you!"

I have been less worried about money since I stopped panicking, started saying yes more often and been willing to enjoy experiences on the off chance that they won't all be the same. Miracles happen. They have happened to me more than once. I may not feel that life is easy but (there I go again!) I can, with confidence move from miracle to miracle with the knowledge that they exist.

What affirmation do you need to recreate? How can recreating a non-working affirmation help move you forward?

Say Yes To You!

Today is the day.

Now.

Open your arms.

Take a deep breath.

Step into into it.
Walk with me and together, we will

Are there important things you need to say yes to?

Are you ready? Take my hand and let's go!

Nourish The Soul

As a rule, it isn't something that we as a society are good at. We are often neglectful not only of those around us but of ourselves. I have been reminded this last month about the cost of such behavior. Without soul nourishment we get isolated, hungry and tired. It seems to me that the holidays would be the perfect time to find joy, to laugh, to love and yet so many of us are anxious and worried instead, mostly about things so far beyond our control that they are in the end irrelevant.

This quote from Thomas Moore really struck me the first time I heard it for that very reason: the soul is not a problem. The soul is just fine. We are the problem, running from moment to moment without seeing it or feeling the joy, the sadness, the life that comes with each one. That is life. The moments that accumulate around us while we wait for life to happen. While we stress about every little thing that is going wrong we are missing out on all that is right. We forget, we don't forgive. We push the pieces of the puzzle in even if they don't fit. This holiday, I'm not playing by anyone elses rules. Newp. I will nourish myself and my soul by whatever means necessary. That may mean eating at strange hours or walking four miles just to get my energy centered.

What will you do to nourish yourself? Really nourish yourself? Because, baby, your soul is waiting.

Letter from a (formerly) Broken Heart

Start dismantling your life at the end of a relationship and you will discover more about yourself than at any other time, except for perhaps illness. All those uncomfortable things that have been ignored, all those compromises you were determined never to make. The feeling that your heart has been ripped out and your guts are dripping on the floor for the whole damn world to see, even as you try desperately to hold it together.

Start clearing your computer, deleting and moving files over and you will discover all the projects you never got to, all the classes and calls you downloaded but never listened to. All that space that was taken up games that took up way more time than was really necessary.

Start clearing out your apartment, after you have still been living together, and see the truth that eventually pulled you apart: this person that was once your love has been in a relationship with themselves for a long time, and it hasn't been going well. No matter how much you might be loved, the spirit has fallen apart so badly that it may never be put back together. Or at least that is the impression that is being gotten.

While you've been busily hiding out from joy, from possibility, from life, everything in your world has been deeply affected. Just keep thinking I should have left sooner or I wish this could be fixed and see how far that gets you. Pay attention to the shock that registers on peoples faces when you respond to their "You haven't together that long" with an answer of thirteen years. They cannot quite comprehend it, all those years and now it is all over, time to move on.

Know that those shoulds are not helping you. They don't change the past. Know that now is the perfect time to give yourself all the things you have been longing for; that deep love and understanding. That truth that includes accepting yourself for all that you are and not worrying about all that you are not. Now is the time to get real forgiveness, to get honest with yourself and get down with love. There is so much out there waiting for you and it isn't in the form of another person. It's in the form of you, becoming your self at long last.

Know that it happened at this time for a reason. Maybe it was all timing. Maybe it was because you have so many amazing people in your life who were there when you needed them most. Maybe it's because whatever is waiting for you is finally ready and needs you be ready, too. Maybe it is to serve as a reminder that things can change dramatically and for the better in a short span of time.

Be gifted with the opportunity to recurate your life (hat tip to Jennifer, that has been my motto for a while now!) and then do it. Don't wait to get trapped by yourself again. Don't look for love outside of yourself until you have rekindled the love inside.

Don't ever forget that you are so much more than you have ever dreamed for yourself and that is just exactly what is waiting on the other side.

Don't forget that I love you. And that you will always be perfect.

Longings

"It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and must hunger after them." George Eliot

*** **** **** ****

What is it about longings that makes us look away in nervous fear? That moment when the thing we desire becomes a far away, impossible dream to be locked up in the heart and never discussed or shared?

I am willing to confess, with sadness, that there has been a lot of burying of desire around here. A lack of joyfilled moments. Stress and worry about money, food, living, thriving has sucked the joy so far out of us that we can no longer face the struggle.

It was in the midst of this heartbreak that I started the Joy Up. I did Spirits of Joy and the Summer Solstice cleanse with some success and uplifting. Yet the same things have been coming up again and again. Money, frustration with various aspects of life, lack of forward movement and opportunity.

Last week a friend from my entrepreneur classes asked if I still get excited about my work and my dream business. Imagine her face when I said 'No. I don't let myself get excited any more."

I don't let myself get excited.

So what else am I not letting myself get excited about?

One of the prompts in the Joy Up was to write a list of longings. Reading other peoples lists and watching the video prompt opened a flood gate. Two pages and a poem later, my clarity is that this is an area of my life that needs more attention. I've been looking for signs the last few days (go left here, drive three blocks, in the center lies your destination) even though I know that life is never that clear, there is a part of me that has been hopeful. Hopeful that things will get clearer, that life will ease up a bit, that my dreams can still be realized.

Longings, to me, look like a huge road sign. Ignoring my desires didn't make them go away. It didn't even make them lessen. It just made me more hungry. You know what happens when you are hungry? You buy junk food, you say mean things, you spend a lot of time tired, sad, lonely, and unclear. My soul is hungry. Your soul is hungry.

What are you longing for that you have chosen to ignore? Today might be a really good day to wake up those desires, have a little chat with them and see which ones will bring you to the place you long to be. Because ignoring desires doesn't kill them. It kills us.

The Longings of the Silent Soul

I long to dance with wild abandon amidst the shifting sands of a gorgeous beach, twirling my skirts and singing my songs

I long to stand on a balcony looking up at the Eiffel Tower at midnight with a glass of the finest champagne

I long to feel so loved and so loving that my heart might burst open, spilling forth more joy than I ever dreamed possible

All this and more

I long to be recognized, seen and celebrated, mostly by my own self

I long to feel close to the divine in all her glory, knowing that she put me here to shine so bright that those around me need sunshades

I long for ease in every moment, long to give up struggle, of taking a deep breath, bringing ease in, everyday

All this and so much more

I long to forgive myself and those who hurt me

I long to live decadently, luxuriously, in sanctuary, exactly as that means to me

I long to be fluid like water, to tell my story, to allow myself to be sacred and know that I am a spark of divine fire

S.M. Raven (c) 2013

Here It Comes...A Better Version of Me

"I am likely to miss the main event
If I stop to cry or complain again
So I will keep a deliberate pace
Let the damned breeze dry my face

Oh, mister, wait until you see
What I'm gonna be..."

A Better Version of Me - Fiona Apple


The Real Me

********

One of my friends jokes that I am always running around having revelations. She's not wrong. I always think it's funny that she says it like it's a bad thing.

I have indeed been 'running around having revelations' lately, the kind that lead to more than just 'ahas!' but to conclusions to long, drawn out stories.

There is the fact that I no longer want to live a life where my second-hand electronics break once a year and leave me scrambling, a pattern that has held for five years running. That I want to upgrade my dishes and have nicer meal times. That space is something I need to claim in many ways.

There is the little issue of unconscious feeling that I might need to make myself less in order to make others feel better. That revelation was painful because I was not fully aware of where it was happening. Or of the people who really apparently (still) need me to do that. Leading me to believe it may be time to send them, gently and with love, back out into the cosmos to find a better match in energy.

*******

The other day while talking to my life coach about this it came up that I tend to shine bright like the sun, sometimes blinding people without trying to. Though not as unapologetically. I said to her "Does this mean I have to start handing out hats and sunglasses?"

She, flabbergasted, replied "NO! The Sun doesn't hand out hats and sunglasses to everyone!"

Absorbing what she said, I think "What did I just say? Did I really just say that? Because she's so right. This is why I love her."

*******

This week also brought home the fact that the communication issues I've been having with certain people boil down to this; they are communicating with a version of me that no longer exists. They don't know how to respond when I don't push and pull like the old days. My exasperation feels like something different to them than what it is. A need to be seen as I am. A need to be heard in a new way.

What they see is not who I am or who I am yet to evolve into. They haven't quite rolled with that. The same is likely true in the other direction. Caterpillars about to change into different things. Moths or butterflies, each unable to recognize the other.

*******

Conversing with the Universe. Stretching toward the new, the unseen, that fantastic magic that waits, just there on the other side. This is the other side, the side I could never see before. It was only ever blocked by clouds, which blow slowly away with the afternoon wind. Cupping my hand over my eyes, drinking in the warmth from that glorious golden orb in the sky, I think, it's time buy a cute floppy hat.

Don't Change a Thing For Me

As I have been reminded quite a bit over the last year, self care is vital to survival. No matter what else, that always seems so hard for many of us to remember. Self care is vital to survival. We live with pain, angst, being tired and stressed out. We live everyday trying to make other people happy and comfortable all while ignoring our own needs. Our own needs matter, too, sometimes more than those of others. After all, how can we tend to those we love if we are not well?

It's so past time for that to stop.

My big reminder this time around was that there is a difference between being polite and compromising myself. When I am so polite that I allow someone to simply take over my time, cause me stress, cross my boundaries that is a compromise that should never be allowed. It is not acceptable that the sitaution should leave everyone else happy and myself miserable. It is part of the self care ritual: remembering that I matter, too. My comfort is important. My joy matters. And so does yours, my friend.

Try not to put yourself in places where you have to miserable for others to be happy. It isn't okay. It isn't the sort of sacrifice that any one who loves you should ever ask for. While it is wonderful to want to do for others, that should never come at the cost of yourself.

Five Things You Don't Know About Me

1) I changed my last name when I was 20, after much contemplation. It bugged my mother to no end and just confused everyone else. The two biggest reasons? I hated my last name and really craved my own identity. Check and check.

The Raven became part of my totem when I was 11 and believe it or not the deep connection I felt for Celtic mythology in my teens heavily influenced the choice of my last name. My gothic leanings and fascination with death lead me right to the Morrigan. So there you go. http://www.faerie-world.org/tales/deathgoddess.html

2) Singing was my first love and I always dreamed of growing up to be a rock star like Janet Jackson. I walked away from that dream because they kept telling me I needed to lose weight and lighten my hair. Singing means so much to me.....but not enough to lose myself.

This is a song I wrote when I was 18 and recorded about ten years ago. Still get excited when it pops on my mp3 player.

3) My Meyers Briggs? INFJ. Bet you didn't see that coming.

4) I am a closet girlie girl who loves travel, B movies and photography

5) I wrote my very first poem at the age five about New Orleans. My parents could never figure out how I even knew about it.

Word of the Month for May: Focus

The other day while gazing at last month's new moon board I had a realization: most of that happened.

It feels like things are coming together a little easier. More engagement has been had! I went to this super magical art class. I wrote. I was more active within my online communities. There were some bad days. But all in all? April went pretty well.

So clearly, doing a new board was essential!

New moon? Eclipse? Not movies, baby, but the timing for a new board, new shifting, more magic.....

Messages from the Canvas

Isolation is a Dreamkiller. Barbara Sher

The Motherload

I have purple paint under my fingernail. In my mind, I'm still dancing with glitter paint and painting flowers. Paint, paint, paint. I sit at home doing my artwork and wondering, who will like this, who will connect to this, who will care? I suspect that it is the same for many artists.

The choice to go check out an intuitive art class wasn't a conscious one. That was a soul choice, rising up from within, clamoring for something deeper. I was nervous. So used to feeling out of sync with the dynamic in a room. Awkward. The warmth of my welcome was not lost on me. Hmmmm...... I was hugged, I was greeted kindly, I was listened to.

This isn't an art class on a typical level. You aren't there to learn how to draw or paint better. The purpose is get into the work and listen to your inner guide. It is so easy to forget that there is so much wisdom within us. Our inner guides, our intuition has so much to say.

Painting in a quiet room filled with other people is liberating. Knowing that there is someone there to help if you need creates a sense of peace that is needed when getting deep into the process. Which I did. These shifting waves that began in March are still tumbling over me. Still opening me.

And then came a message from the canvas. While I am ready to create more space, this is not a practice I have much experience in. Clearly my subconscious is letting me know that it is time to create something new. It is both exciting and terrifying.

My takeaway from Chris Zydel's Intuitive Art class? That out of syncness doesn't have to exist. This is not a competition. The only person I need to get really vulnerable with in that room is myself. And that is possibly the greatest challenge of all.

Blackberry: A magazine and a Giveaway!

For the past six months I have been wanting to write more. For the past three months I have been writing more. One of my goals was to submit to Blackberry: A Magazine, the lit magazine by my FB friend Alicia Sommer.

One of the reasons I have been wanting to submit is that I like what I see. More than any other magazine aimed at Black females I feel like this one gets me. Gets that I am not wanting to see a zillion ads for skin lightening cream or hair straightener. One that recognizes I am both reader and writer. One that has flesh, bone and blood.

So in January when I was able to pull together some pieces that would work with the theme I got so excited about submitting that when I was accepted there wasn't a lot of room left to get all crazy. Until Wednesday night when I got this message on FB: Hey S Luna Raven, look who made the cover. :)

Are you kidding me?!

So, I have two poems in this issue and I made the cover. I made the cover. I made the cover. Okay, I think it is safe to say that I am really, really excited!

Now the good for you part: if you buy a copy of the magazine, let me know in the comments so you can be entered to win a signed 5x7 copy of this photo. You can buy either the digital or print version of the mag, you just need to let me know in the comments that you did. That's it! It's so worth it, not only to support me (which I thank you for) but all the other ladies and the fabulous Alicia, who works so hard to make this so great!

The giveaway ends March 8th at Midnight. Don't be shy, tell all your friends!

<3

Luna

A Quiet Heart

This is a post from last March. It seems like a good re-share!

I haven't been able to hear my heart so I haven't been able to get out what I needed to.

This is one of those things that happens to everyone from time to time. It is not always easy to remember to get centered in the heart living in such a busy and fast paced world. And sometimes we can't hear out heart because our brains are simply talking too loud.

When I needed help returning to heart help came in the form of a friend who told me that I inspire her and brighten up her life just by being in it. The full body tingle I felt on hearing that was the wake up call I needed, a reminder that my purpose is deeper and greater than I have ever imagined.

The Heart of the Matter

Sometimes we need reminders of what drives us forward, of what dreams we have forgotten to long for and the influence we may have on other people. Knowing that I touch peoples live simply by existing is pretty powerful. It is powerful in a way that means I am moving in the right direction, even though it might feel a little unnerving.....a little scary even!

Listening to the heart doesn't always feel like you imagine: there may not be the pounding thrill of rushing blood, it may be quiet so you may have really open to hear it. A heart reaching out may only be able to whisper.

Are you listening to your heart? What do you hear?

The 2013 Life List

Can you believe it? Here we are at year number four of creating the life list. The original was inspired by Traca Savadogo and has evolved from there. Some things have been easy to cross off the list (learning to draw, taking up crochet, sewing classes) while some have remained a bit elusive like that trip to France...

This year I decided to take a look to see what I really wanted to keep, what I needed to add and what I am no longer moved by. This is me, now 37 and a half (what, if my six year niece can rock it, so can I!) and ready to really live more fully. According to my own standards!

My 2013 Life List is not about what I want to do before 2014. It is about what I want to do with my life. One of my all time favorite quotes Opportunities multiply as they are seized by Sun Tzu seems so apt here. They are easy to get when you reach out and grab them! Be sure to share what goals you are adding to your life list, I would love to see!

1) passport.....The paperwork is filled out! Just need the pictures and to pay the fee!

2) practice tea blending. I played around a bit last year, it's time to get serious! (see #11)

3) crochet clothes. I really need to make myself some sweaters!

4) Do more diy, canning, cocktails, accessories. Life skills, baby.


5) Visit Portland. Which will happen soon so I can hang out with this guy. He says it is best to come in the spring.

6) learn to spin fiber. My amazing friend Maia from Tactile Fibers is teaching me. I am not yet good.

7) Move more. Pilates, dancing, yoga. Whatever gets me moving I want more of it.

8) Archery and knife throwing. I can already hear the cries of terror. Haha!

9) Take Thai, Indian and Chinese cooking classes

10) Eat at August. Eat at Herbfarm.

11) Own a tea shop that is craft store adjacent.

12) Record an album of my songs.

13) Publish my books (short stories, poetry, cookbooks? sure)

14) Host my own TV show

15) Become a better swimmer

16) Become more minimalist

17) sell more of my art

18) Learn to play an instrument

19) ~~Travel! The Pyramids, Seattle, Alaska, the Caribbean, Hungary, Greece, Spain, Paris, New York, Ireland, Britain, Santa Fe, Amsterdam, Tokyo, Russia, the South of France, my beloved N'Awlins.~~ Oh hell, I'm changing it to 'Become a jet setter.'

20) Get back into pastry. I want to play with Austrian and Hungarian pastry. And make more candy!

21) Immerse myself in art. Drawing, painting, photography.

22) Be kinder to my inner child. Thankfully, I am already more compassionate to my outer adult.

23) Become a better sewer and make my own clothes

24) do more diy skincare. Because I don't want to live in a bubble!

25) Go fan girl on Pierre Herme. I went fan girl on Emily Luchetti in 2012. She was so sweet!

26) Get a bicycle

27) Move into a nicer space

28) Give in to my inner girlie girl.

What are you ready to add or remove from your life list? What things are you ready to tackle for a fuller expression of life?

The 2012 'Did It' List

Last year I created a 'Did It' list inspired by this post and it helped muchly. Most of my life has been spent listening to people say 'She just doesn't live up to her potential', leaving me with the feeling that no matter I do it is never enough. The beauty of the 'did it' list is that I can see fully what I have done. I can celebrate myself with a pat on the back because that makes me more. And the best part is that thanks to my life coach I keep track of what I have done week to week. For myself. To create space to give myself room to grow. I think you should do it to.

I have also spent the last year looking for clues about what I am meant to do next and the yearning has slowly but surely made itself clear. In the New Year I fully intend to follow that line of thought and see where it goes. Realizing that the path is never straight, being filled as it is with detours! Make a list of the things you have done, fully recognize it and then give yourself a break. It's been a rough year for many but we made it through. I'm sharing the list with you not to brag but because what I have discovered is that celebrating your successes is not vain, it is vital.

In 2012 I:

*Read a ridiculous amount of books. I really liked Georgette Heyer, Inspiration Sandwich, and the Science of Getting Rich

*Started a knit/crochet with my friend Anna (it will be back in 2013!)

*Practiced good self care and compassion. Which has created a huge shift in how I feel about myself. And others.

*Crocheted scarves. And pins. And more.

*Did Pilates. And it kicked my ass. I loved it!!

*Took a belly dancing class.

*Wrote a few poems & songs. Started a couple short stories. Worked on my book(s).

*Created my first digital download.

*Attended Stitches West for the first time. It was pretty fabulous. I, of course, bought the weirdest stuff I could find to crochet with.

*Drew, painted and doodled. A lot.

*Sent my first newsletter

*Met one of my chef crushes, the delightful Emily Luchetti

*Got a sewing machine. Which I still haven't used.

*Went to bartending school! I even bartended at the U.S. Open.

*got a job (after two years off. yay!)

*was in my first cocktail competition. It was a real eye opening experience. Turns out I do like competition in the right context.

*bought my first corset (it's the French Underbust in red satin!)

*Took better care of my health than ever before. Healthy fruits and vegetable smoothies!I took naps and breaks when I needed them. Crazy, I know.

What wonderful things did you do this last year that you are ready to celebrate? I invite you to share, I would love to celebrate you and all you do! If you blog about it let me know so I can link to you! And if you want to check out another 'did it' list, visit Stephanie and see what she did this year. An amazing amount of good!!

The Benefits of Asking For Help

Resources. We have a tendency to think of resources as things rather than people, forgetting that we have friends and acquaintances who may know things we need to.

We are surrounded by those who not only have answers but actually wish to help. Instead we waste time and energy searching for an answer, when help was sitting right next to us, for fear that we might look stupid, or weak or like a burden.

By never putting ourselves forward, vital connections are missed that could move us in exactly the direction we want and need to go. We have to get over this desire to not burden others, especially when they long to help, to share, to encourage and to celebrate our very being.

I am delighted when I am able to be a resource for others, because I have knowledge they need and the ability to give it freely. Because to share information only helps me in the long run.It helps all of us! We give a gift when we ask for or extend help. It is part of the natural cycle of give & receive that helps keep us all in balance with ourselves and the 'Verse.

Don't be afraid to step outside of yourself, should you need help, energy, support or even just a hug! A resource is a valuable tool, a gift, and not everyone has them. There's gold in them there minds!