Longings

"It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and must hunger after them." George Eliot

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What is it about longings that makes us look away in nervous fear? That moment when the thing we desire becomes a far away, impossible dream to be locked up in the heart and never discussed or shared?

I am willing to confess, with sadness, that there has been a lot of burying of desire around here. A lack of joyfilled moments. Stress and worry about money, food, living, thriving has sucked the joy so far out of us that we can no longer face the struggle.

It was in the midst of this heartbreak that I started the Joy Up. I did Spirits of Joy and the Summer Solstice cleanse with some success and uplifting. Yet the same things have been coming up again and again. Money, frustration with various aspects of life, lack of forward movement and opportunity.

Last week a friend from my entrepreneur classes asked if I still get excited about my work and my dream business. Imagine her face when I said 'No. I don't let myself get excited any more."

I don't let myself get excited.

So what else am I not letting myself get excited about?

One of the prompts in the Joy Up was to write a list of longings. Reading other peoples lists and watching the video prompt opened a flood gate. Two pages and a poem later, my clarity is that this is an area of my life that needs more attention. I've been looking for signs the last few days (go left here, drive three blocks, in the center lies your destination) even though I know that life is never that clear, there is a part of me that has been hopeful. Hopeful that things will get clearer, that life will ease up a bit, that my dreams can still be realized.

Longings, to me, look like a huge road sign. Ignoring my desires didn't make them go away. It didn't even make them lessen. It just made me more hungry. You know what happens when you are hungry? You buy junk food, you say mean things, you spend a lot of time tired, sad, lonely, and unclear. My soul is hungry. Your soul is hungry.

What are you longing for that you have chosen to ignore? Today might be a really good day to wake up those desires, have a little chat with them and see which ones will bring you to the place you long to be. Because ignoring desires doesn't kill them. It kills us.