There's A Light

It's never comfortable to feel lost. So I spend a lot of time feeling uncomfortable. Unruly. Aware yet half asleep. It doesn't happen for long anymore, thankfully, though I am troubled that it still happens at all.

I know where I get lost. Losing my way is a result of not doing something that brings me joy, something that makes me feel good, something that brings me to a higher elevation. Usually something causes a distraction that knocks me just enough off course that I have to correct. That drives me crazy.

I can laugh about that now because this knowledge is such a gift. Sure, it sometimes feels like driving in circles but now the circles are wider & skirting new neighborhoods. So, that's a start.

When I made the cover of Blackberry: a magazine the first time, I did a give away. You can still grab a copy of this issue and the current one, where I also grace the cover (!) and support this wonderful magazine, a labor of love from the wonderful publisher/editor/bottle-washer Alisha.

I still have a lovely 5x7 copy of the photo and to say thanks for my sponsored spot in the upcoming Joy Up, thought I'd make this gesture to give the second copy to someone. A little something to get me back in the groove, to remind me that taking pictures feels good, that despite the many paths started down that turned out not to be mine, art is. It's okay to lean into that and feel joy around it. To share that love.

Today I feel joyfull to have such an amazing group of women in my world that help me just by existing. My grateful heart is bursting. Leave a comment about something that is bringing you joy today and that's it. I will pick a winner this weekend!

Biracial in 2013: It Still Matters

*Warning: in a rare turn, this post includes swearing*

I think it was my junior year of high school. We had a sub that day and we were filling out some of that random paperwork that gets sucked into a machine with your vital statistics that never gets seen again. At the race part, I had drawn a line with an extra box and written in 'mixed race'.

The sub didn't like that.

She insisted I had to choose and we had a rather heated discussion in which I told her I would do no such thing. I could not, in fact, choose between the ethnicity of my parents and I didn't really care what she had to say about it. In the end, I gave her that piece of paper exactly the way that it had been doctored but I was really troubled by her response. Later, in conversation with my parents, I expressed my frustration, feeling as I would many times throughout my life, that was no place for me if I didn't make a choice that seemed pretty lame.

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Currently one of my photographs is on the cover of Blackberry: a magazine, one of my art pieces is inside and one of my photos plus two of my poems are in the previous issue. A friend of mine told she was disappointed with the magazine being aimed the way it was because it leaves people out due to race. While happy to listen to anyones feelings and acknowledge they have the right to have them, I respectfully disagree. Having gotten to know the publisher via social media, I know her aim is very pure. In fact, it's even on the about page:

BLACKBERRY: a magazine aims to be a premier literary magazine featuring black women writers and artists. Its goal is to expose readers to the diversity of the black woman’s experience and strengthen the black female voice in both the mainstream and independent markets.

This, right here? This is why I wanted to be a part of it. 'featuring black women writers and artists. Its goal is to expose readers to the diversity of the black woman’s experience and strengthen the black female voice' 

 Because I know I am so, so lucky that the people in my life see me as more than a race and that means I get the chance to really be myself. Others are not so lucky. I wasn't always. I spent most of my teens years being called stupid, racially driven nicknames like 'chocolate vanilla swirl', 'oreo', and 'token Black girl'. Because those people were so needing me to be put in a category that they could make sense of, an adult  who didn't know me tried to force me claim myself as Black, even while every kid I knew told me daily I wasn't Black enough to really even be Black.

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        I'm not adopted. These people are my parents. That is my real mom. Don't like it? Don't look.

 This might actually be the sweetest commercial I have ever seen in my life. It is representative not only of my own experience (!) but that of many others. (Read this fantastic opinion piece, I loved it. I went immediately to follow her on Twitter.) In 2011 it was reported that since 2000 the mixed-race population had grown 50%, or approx 4.2 million people. Yet they had to turn off the comments because so many people were saying insanely racist things. And then last year there was a huge mess over the Hunger Games (and by the way, if you read that & didn't know those characters were black? You. Are. A. Fucking. Idjit.)

I wish I could say I am shocked when people say racist things. I'm not. I hear it every day. Because way back when, when all the PC stuff started, I said this would happen. I said it would cause a problem. And partially it has. The real problem is just plain ignorance. The assumptions made about black people make my life hard even if I don't fit any part of the stereotypes; what people see is not that I am funny, charming, talented, kind, warm and loving. They see my skin color and that is enough for them to make a judgement call. Trust me when I say that is not something I say or take lightly.

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I get it. I want what you want. I would love for people to not walk up and ask me which of my parents is white. I wish no one ever said "You speak so well for a Black person", because then I wouldn't feel the need to look at strangers and say "Oh, for Fuck's sake!"

I would love if no one had ever pissed off my mom by asking if I was adopted. I would love if we could live a world where color lines don't exist. But we don't. I used to get all kinds of guff from my Black and Hispanic male friends and Black cousins for dating white guys. So I really do hear when you say it seems that we shouldn't be drawing our own lines of distinction in the sand. For me, it doesn't feel like drawing lines so much as coloring in between the ones that got drawn around me.

Giveaway Winner...and the Danger of Thinking for Others

I've been feeling kind of emo this week.Only two people entered my giveaway, leaving me to believe that only two people liked my photo enough to want to have a copy of it. Which hurts. You see, I'm pretty damn proud of being published again. I never mean to take a hiatus but coming back from one is not always easy. It requires shifting and being open to change. And making the cover was like someone had handed me the perfect slice of cake and then handed me an even better one.

I love photography and always have. Getting a shot that was well received was worth celebrating! I decided to do a giveaway when I was accepted because that photo almost never happened. I almost walked away from it. The fact that it made it into the magazine was a good reminder; sometimes our higher self is speaking to an unrevealed purpose and a photo isn't just a photo.

It was delightful to wake up to a dear friend who posted on FB and commented on the blog. Her response was so moving and elated it nearly made my heart burst. And then....nothing. I could see that people were reading the post. What I couldn't see was if anyone was buying the magazine or who did. Because I am in the magazine and not the creator or editor. I mentioned to one of my closest friends that it seemed really odd to me that no one else had entered the giveaway.

And you know what she said? "I didn't think it was for friends and family." Um. Okay. So I took it to FB and let the world know that it was open to anyone who bought the magazine. I mentioned it to another friend who said she had assumed the same thing. You guys are just killing me.

See this face? That is how I felt this week.

Don't get me wrong: I am so happy that so many of my friends congratulated me and bought the magazine. It is really much more appreciated that you might ever know. 

As it turns out, I learned a valuable lesson I want to share: Don't think for the Seller.

In business and love we often get tripped up by assuming we know what the other person is thinking. Even when they tell is what they are thinking, we, for someone unknown reason, believe that we are correct in our original assessment. And the one thing I can confidently promise you is this: that type of thought process has cost you way more than just one great photograph. And I would really hate for any other opportunities, in general, to pass you by.

*drumroll*

  
The giveaway winner is....both Angel and Pinky! That kind of support deserves a reward and since there are two copies, there are two winners. Thank you both for entering, it means a lot!

Blackberry: A magazine and a Giveaway!

For the past six months I have been wanting to write more. For the past three months I have been writing more. One of my goals was to submit to Blackberry: A Magazine, the lit magazine by my FB friend Alicia Sommer.

One of the reasons I have been wanting to submit is that I like what I see. More than any other magazine aimed at Black females I feel like this one gets me. Gets that I am not wanting to see a zillion ads for skin lightening cream or hair straightener. One that recognizes I am both reader and writer. One that has flesh, bone and blood.

So in January when I was able to pull together some pieces that would work with the theme I got so excited about submitting that when I was accepted there wasn't a lot of room left to get all crazy. Until Wednesday night when I got this message on FB: Hey S Luna Raven, look who made the cover. :)

Are you kidding me?!

So, I have two poems in this issue and I made the cover. I made the cover. I made the cover. Okay, I think it is safe to say that I am really, really excited!

Now the good for you part: if you buy a copy of the magazine, let me know in the comments so you can be entered to win a signed 5x7 copy of this photo. You can buy either the digital or print version of the mag, you just need to let me know in the comments that you did. That's it! It's so worth it, not only to support me (which I thank you for) but all the other ladies and the fabulous Alicia, who works so hard to make this so great!

The giveaway ends March 8th at Midnight. Don't be shy, tell all your friends!

<3

Luna