Letter from a (formerly) Broken Heart

Start dismantling your life at the end of a relationship and you will discover more about yourself than at any other time, except for perhaps illness. All those uncomfortable things that have been ignored, all those compromises you were determined never to make. The feeling that your heart has been ripped out and your guts are dripping on the floor for the whole damn world to see, even as you try desperately to hold it together.

Start clearing your computer, deleting and moving files over and you will discover all the projects you never got to, all the classes and calls you downloaded but never listened to. All that space that was taken up games that took up way more time than was really necessary.

Start clearing out your apartment, after you have still been living together, and see the truth that eventually pulled you apart: this person that was once your love has been in a relationship with themselves for a long time, and it hasn't been going well. No matter how much you might be loved, the spirit has fallen apart so badly that it may never be put back together. Or at least that is the impression that is being gotten.

While you've been busily hiding out from joy, from possibility, from life, everything in your world has been deeply affected. Just keep thinking I should have left sooner or I wish this could be fixed and see how far that gets you. Pay attention to the shock that registers on peoples faces when you respond to their "You haven't together that long" with an answer of thirteen years. They cannot quite comprehend it, all those years and now it is all over, time to move on.

Know that those shoulds are not helping you. They don't change the past. Know that now is the perfect time to give yourself all the things you have been longing for; that deep love and understanding. That truth that includes accepting yourself for all that you are and not worrying about all that you are not. Now is the time to get real forgiveness, to get honest with yourself and get down with love. There is so much out there waiting for you and it isn't in the form of another person. It's in the form of you, becoming your self at long last.

Know that it happened at this time for a reason. Maybe it was all timing. Maybe it was because you have so many amazing people in your life who were there when you needed them most. Maybe it's because whatever is waiting for you is finally ready and needs you be ready, too. Maybe it is to serve as a reminder that things can change dramatically and for the better in a short span of time.

Be gifted with the opportunity to recurate your life (hat tip to Jennifer, that has been my motto for a while now!) and then do it. Don't wait to get trapped by yourself again. Don't look for love outside of yourself until you have rekindled the love inside.

Don't ever forget that you are so much more than you have ever dreamed for yourself and that is just exactly what is waiting on the other side.

Don't forget that I love you. And that you will always be perfect.

Messages from the Canvas

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Isolation is a Dreamkiller. Barbara Sher

                                                                                                                                                   

The Motherload

 I have purple paint under my fingernail. In my mind, I'm still dancing with glitter paint and painting flowers. Paint, paint, paint. I sit at home doing my artwork and wondering, who will like this, who will connect to this, who will care? I suspect that it is the same for many artists.

The choice to go check out an intuitive art class wasn't a conscious one. That was a soul choice, rising up from within, clamoring for something deeper. I was nervous. So used to feeling out of sync with the dynamic in a room. Awkward. The warmth of my welcome was not lost on me. Hmmmm...... I was hugged, I was greeted kindly, I was listened to.

This isn't an art class on a typical level. You aren't there to learn how to draw or paint better. The purpose is get into the work and listen to your inner guide. It is so easy to forget that there is so much wisdom within us. Our inner guides, our intuition has so much to say.

Painting in a quiet room filled with other people is liberating. Knowing that there is someone there to help if you need creates a sense of peace that is needed when getting deep into the process. Which I did. These shifting waves that began in March are still tumbling over me. Still opening me.

And then came a message from the canvas. While I am ready to create more space, this is not a practice I have much experience in. Clearly my subconscious is letting me know that it is time to create something new. It is both exciting and terrifying.

My takeaway from Chris Zydel's Intuitive Art class? That out of syncness doesn't have to exist. This is not a competition. The only person I need to get really vulnerable with in that room is myself. And that is possibly the greatest challenge of all.

Blackberry: A magazine and a Giveaway!

For the past six months I have been wanting to write more. For the past three months I have been writing more. One of my goals was to submit to Blackberry: A Magazine, the lit magazine by my FB friend Alicia Sommer.

One of the reasons I have been wanting to submit is that I like what I see. More than any other magazine aimed at Black females I feel like this one gets me. Gets that I am not wanting to see a zillion ads for skin lightening cream or hair straightener. One that recognizes I am both reader and writer. One that has flesh, bone and blood.

So in January when I was able to pull together some pieces that would work with the theme I got so excited about submitting that when I was accepted there wasn't a lot of room left to get all crazy. Until Wednesday night when I got this message on FB: Hey S Luna Raven, look who made the cover. :)

Are you kidding me?!

So, I have two poems in this issue and I made the cover. I made the cover. I made the cover. Okay, I think it is safe to say that I am really, really excited!

Now the good for you part: if you buy a copy of the magazine, let me know in the comments so you can be entered to win a signed 5x7 copy of this photo. You can buy either the digital or print version of the mag, you just need to let me know in the comments that you did. That's it! It's so worth it, not only to support me (which I thank you for) but all the other ladies and the fabulous Alicia, who works so hard to make this so great!

The giveaway ends March 8th at Midnight. Don't be shy, tell all your friends!

<3

Luna

My Word of 2013: More

 "A seed, dropped into the ground, springs into activity, and in the act of living produces a hundred seeds; life, by living, multiplies itself." Wallace D. Wattles

a journal page from two years ago

I have had a hard time choosing my word for the year. There were a few that stuck out for me: feminine, shifting, release. The word that stuck though is from a book I have been reading, The Science of Getting Rich. I realize that more is really what I want even though I haven't really been able to put that into the context I was trying to convey. Luckily, Wattles did it quite nicely for me.

"It is the natural and inherent impulse to seek to live more; it is the nature of intelligence to enlarge itself, and of consciousness to seek to extend the boundaries and find fuller expression." 

More to me means:

 

More love: Not just what I take in, what I allow in. What I send out. Including to myself. And I reserve the right to say I don't love someone or want them in my life. Because true self love means not allowing people, things or situations into your life that hold you down or harm you,

More sacred yes. And no: I made a firm decision in November that I needed to be more thoughtful of my yes and no's. I am proud to say that I have done well with honoring my own values which means I am creating a healthy space for others to do the same, for me and for themselves.

More health: the smoothie kick we jumped on a few months ago is still going. We have been taking it seriously, a feat that is made easier by doing it together. Also, more walking, more movement, more nutrient dense food. So boring, I know!

More! More good decisions, more rest, more art, more organization, more time with friends, more travel. Expansion, expression, fullness, open dreaming, letting the sky not be the limit because there is a world beyond it!

What is your word for 2013? What represents where you want to go or who you want to be more of in this shiny new year? What are you releasing so you can grab what you want? Share with me in the comments!

Bartending School Week 1

Right off the bat I gotta tell you that one of the reasons I like the SFSOB is that if you come to the Monday intro class, you actually get behind the bar. And I like that the first day after lecture we did just that. We were behind the bar making & learning drinks.

Some I knew, like the Screwdriver, the Cape Cod, the Fuzzy Navel. And some drinks were sorely testing me Wednesday and Thursday. Frou Frou drinks like the Purple Hooter and the Appletini are just foreign to my whiskey loving palate.

I know that there is quite a bit of disgust these days regarding bartending school among old guard bartenders out there, but I have to say, as well as I can spot which liquor is which and knowing what mixes with what, this is both a similar and dissimilar activity as working as a chef.

The movements, for example the lift & pop, take practice to get them smooth. Finding the rhythmic fluidity is important and yesterday I started to get it. I would rather do that in the classroom than on the job so that it becomes a natural habit without me looking like a total idjit in front of customers!

Since I already know that I am adept at retaining recipes, one trick I used was to find similar drinks and group them together. Make a Greyhound from grapefruit and vodka. Salt the rim for a Salty Dog, For a Sea Breeze, add cranberry. This has actually been a helpful tool in getting the drinks down. (pun possibly intended)

Some people are a little sad that we are using water to practice with. As our first instructor pointed out, beyond legalities, with the amount of practice we do he'd be having a heart attack every time we poured out a drink! It is also probably good for those who may think that it is all about drinking behind the bar....

I am also reading this book by William Grimes and think I need to get a copy of it.This is the sort of information I love, history and classic cocktails. Total win, right?! Well, I have to go because I have class and a midterm today, woo! But stay tuned, tomorrow we will be at the East Bay Wine Trail pouring for Stomping Girl and then tasting later in the day, so there will be an update Sunday!

Glittery hugs!

Life in the Details

Lately when I have been reading the Scoutie Girl blog I feel as though each post is speaking directly to me. Like this one Well Fed Artists and this one today Are you leaving enough space for your life in your work?

I am looking at my calender for the next few weeks and things are starting to pick up again. And truthfully, the past two weeks, my balance has been off. Way off. Since I love being busy, I need to be much more aware and keep myself check: no matter how much I have to do I need to make sure I am eating right and stopping when my body says stop.

Scarf action with ArtFibers fabulous Kanji, tussah silk and bamboo

Luckily every week before my coaching call, I have to journal about what I have done in the last week. This has been one of the most powerful tools anyone has ever shared with me. In my mind I am a slacker. In my journal it would appear that I do so much I can't even remember half of it! If you haven't tried this you might find it a really helpful trick.

I have been busy crocheting, too, but not too busy to get in some art....

Are you listening to yourself to make sure that your life is in line with your busy? What tricks do you use to make things easier?